Stuck in the Falls: June 2008

Finally, my own pair of melons ...

I'm not sure if this was his orginal intention when he invented the internet, but somewhere I know that Al Gore is beaming proudly...

Behold, the Internet is bringin' sexy back !!!?

The following are my favorite entries from a contest held on www.fireland.com - to identify the Sexiest Sentence Ever Written.
(This is what happens to your brain when you sit too close to the TV as a kid.) :
...

"Yes, yes I will marry you. But hurry up, or we're going to be late for bowling."

"There are many fish in the sea but you are the only one I'd like to mount over my fireplace."

"Would you like to go down to my 'crawdad hole'?"

"Accordingly, many small arrogant sea-urchins crept silently accross the dripping purple sky."

"Most girls reach their sexual peak sometime around the age of whenever they're near me."

"Want to see my blog?"

"I can't come to the phone right now, I'm engaged in cunnilingus."

"And never start a sentence with a conjunction."

"Wildly shouting unintelligible nonsense and shaking her head, she continued to spit at me from her tree branch; I couldn't help thinking, 'Is she coming on to me?'"

"I cannot sleep with you, my love, until I live up to my vow of lying in a vat of chocolate cream for 14 days, and even then you'll have to help me out of it without using your hands, because you know how I feel about sticky fingers."

"In 1996, a Cobden woman beat an ankle-biting muskrat to death with a bag full of bingo dabbers."

"From now on, 'doing it granny style' will not only refer to a method of propelling a bowling (or other) ball from between the legs, but, rather, it will allude to an acrobatic sexual position only attainable by individuals who suffer from advanced osteoporosis."

"Can I get you a beer?"

"Both cupcakes are free."

"What's the longest you ever peed?"

"Girl, you're so sexy, you make me want to stop telling my mother that I'm gay, so she'll stop asking me when I'm going to get married."

"Me, I like a stoop."

"We are professional number two eaters."

"Your nose is like brie cheese."

"I probably never would have become America's leading fire-eater if Flamo the Great hadn't happened to explode that night in front of Krinko's Great Combined Carnival Side Shows."

"Who the hell eats 75% of a Pop tart and decides, 'you know, I think I'll just put this last 1/4 of a set of delicious pastry confection back in the delicate foil wrapper for the next person to eat ... I'm sure they won't mind my crooked fucking Dutch teeth marks right in the fucking tart."

"Well dip me in honey and feed me to the lesbians."

"Have you ever killed anyone doing that?!"

My personal favorite:

"The time of our internet whoring empire draws near, my little cumquat."

And the winner...

"My breast flipped inside out so my nipple touched my heart.”

"I'm not NOT licking frogs." - Homer Simpson